What is it about relationships that cause sane people to become stark raving mad? No, Q and I aren't fighting, but I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I have a friend who's currently having an affair, and (my take) she's feeling guilty about being so happy, and is almost hoping her husband will find out in a manner that doesn't require her to tell him.
What's the big deal? What's so wrong about people changing, but still wanting to be happy? Q and I have been together for 11 years, and married for 6 years. Not every moment has been blissful (what true relationship is 100% candy and flowers?), but I have always wanted him to be happy. I know that part of that is not being around me. Let's face it, I can be a total bitch some times. Ok, maybe most of the time. I'm overbearing, and I like people to do things my way (after all, it's usually better, right?). I do temper that, and am not always an A personality. But I do want Q to be happy.
So why the guilt in having an affair? People change through time, and their needs change as well. If a relationship is to stay together, it must change and grow as well. If you are ultimately happy and satisfied with your current relationship, but you want a little extra spice in your life, what's wrong with finding it, and (hopefully) ultimately adding it to your current relationship in order to help strengthen it? If everyone is OK with the situation, that is.
Living Simple had an article on what makes a lasting relationship (Feb 2008 issue), and the following stuck out (paraphrased due to the magazine no longer being in the house):
- Always argue naked (this has it's obvious pros and cons; fines for indecent exposure could escalate if the couple in question tend to argue in public).
- If you don't see eye to eye on sex and money, it won't last (although half of this is why I'm posting).
- Don't go into a relationship trying to change someone (if you're not happy with who they are to begin with, why will you be happy with them 5, 10, or 15+ years down the road).
So, thought #2: sex. Why is it that this society is so hung up on monogamy? Is it due to our Christian/puritan heritage? Or something else? Other cultures have "allowed" polygamy without negative consequences, so why is it such a stigma for people to be in multiple relationships? If everyone in the situation is happy, why does it bother people outside of the situation? Isn't it up to the individuals in question to decide if the situation is working? Why should it be up to the public to decide some people's happiness? Not everyone is interested in this sort of relationship, but if you know people who are happy with this arrangement, why not be happy for them? And, let's face it, break ups suck, and having a partner stand by you when the third leaves can be very beneficial to the healing process.
To simplify: I'm not very excited about the Hello Kitty toaster, but I'm happy that Toki is happy with her toaster. I wouldn't be interested in owning one, but if she wants a smiling cat on her toast every morning, more power to her. Why is it so different when people are involved, when those who are involved are happy with the situation?
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3 comments:
I don't want a cat on my toast.
I think if I were to have an affair, I wouldn't feel guilty about it. It would mean that I'm pretty much done with my marriage.
That said, the only downside to having Hello Kitty's face imprinted on my toast is that part isn't toasted.
Toast needs to be TOASTED! Fundamental design flaw.
Does over toasting the rest of the bread compensate for the undertoasted kitty face?
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