Friday night philosophy

What is it about relationships that cause sane people to become stark raving mad? No, Q and I aren't fighting, but I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I have a friend who's currently having an affair, and (my take) she's feeling guilty about being so happy, and is almost hoping her husband will find out in a manner that doesn't require her to tell him.

What's the big deal? What's so wrong about people changing, but still wanting to be happy? Q and I have been together for 11 years, and married for 6 years. Not every moment has been blissful (what true relationship is 100% candy and flowers?), but I have always wanted him to be happy. I know that part of that is not being around me. Let's face it, I can be a total bitch some times. Ok, maybe most of the time. I'm overbearing, and I like people to do things my way (after all, it's usually better, right?). I do temper that, and am not always an A personality. But I do want Q to be happy.

So why the guilt in having an affair? People change through time, and their needs change as well. If a relationship is to stay together, it must change and grow as well. If you are ultimately happy and satisfied with your current relationship, but you want a little extra spice in your life, what's wrong with finding it, and (hopefully) ultimately adding it to your current relationship in order to help strengthen it? If everyone is OK with the situation, that is.

Living Simple had an article on what makes a lasting relationship (Feb 2008 issue), and the following stuck out (paraphrased due to the magazine no longer being in the house):

- Always argue naked (this has it's obvious pros and cons; fines for indecent exposure could escalate if the couple in question tend to argue in public).

- If you don't see eye to eye on sex and money, it won't last (although half of this is why I'm posting).

- Don't go into a relationship trying to change someone (if you're not happy with who they are to begin with, why will you be happy with them 5, 10, or 15+ years down the road).

So, thought #2: sex. Why is it that this society is so hung up on monogamy? Is it due to our Christian/puritan heritage? Or something else? Other cultures have "allowed" polygamy without negative consequences, so why is it such a stigma for people to be in multiple relationships? If everyone in the situation is happy, why does it bother people outside of the situation? Isn't it up to the individuals in question to decide if the situation is working? Why should it be up to the public to decide some people's happiness? Not everyone is interested in this sort of relationship, but if you know people who are happy with this arrangement, why not be happy for them? And, let's face it, break ups suck, and having a partner stand by you when the third leaves can be very beneficial to the healing process.

To simplify: I'm not very excited about the Hello Kitty toaster, but I'm happy that Toki is happy with her toaster. I wouldn't be interested in owning one, but if she wants a smiling cat on her toast every morning, more power to her. Why is it so different when people are involved, when those who are involved are happy with the situation?

Stud finders

I hate them. With a passion. They never work consistently, they're not reliable, and they're out to get me. We've tried about 5 different stud finders since owning this house (I don't know how many while we rented), and NONE of them work for me. Q, on the other hand, looks at all my careful little pencil marks, does his stud finder magic, and lo and behold! I wasn't even close. It's humiliating, and, next to working the drill, is the main reason I don't do home improvement projects. I've tried saying "OK, the stud finder says there's a stud here three times, so I'll go ahead and drill with the drill bit the directions call for." And what do I find? NO STUD. And, after Q graciously listens to my rant and finds a stud for me, I use the drill (with the bit recommended by the instructions), and it doesn't work. So, after Q calms down my hysterics, he grabs a bit out of the box (it is also magic as to how the one he grabs works, but the one I use - as instructed by the directions - doesn't work), and proceeds to do the home improvement project for me.

All I wanted to do was hang some drapes in Quin's room and take down the partially destroyed blinds.

Stud finders: 10,856,762,873,647
Lirri: 0

They say...

that if you can deal with them as toddlers, you can deal with them as teenagers. I think I'm in for a very rough ride during Quin's teenage years.

He knows how to push all my buttons right now, and it's all I can do to not break down and yell at my child for part, if not most, of many days. Take today. Q and I were up before the kids; when they decided to grace us with their presence, Quin was in a good mood. Then I had the temerity to ask him to get into undies (and out of his dirty diaper) before eating breakfast. That started the whining. Then I told him he couldn't have animal crackers, goldfish, or cookies for breakfast. But he could have Cheerios. That made him marginally happier. Then I asked him to get dressed. Five times. The whining was pretty bad, and the tantrums started after about request #3. "No, Mama do it, Mama help me." I told him that if he was too little to get dressed by himself, that he was too little to go sledding, and that he had to put his own clothes on if he wanted to go sledding. Then the tantrums started in earnest. So. 1.5 hours after he woke up, we were finally in the car and on our way to the park. Quin played on the slides for a bit before he decided he was ready to sled. He went down a couple of times, then decided that he wanted to pull me down the hill ("Puuulllll!!" "Quin you might want to wait until you're a little bigger to pull me." "Puuullllll!!!!"). He finally wanted to ride in the sled again, and had a great time. We went back to the house, and as soon as we pulled into the garage, the whining started again. Oh, and the tantrums. We returned at 11:30, and had lunch at 12:00. In between we had two time outs, several "go ask Dada to help you," and many "you may not hit or kick your sister!"

On the plus side, he was happy to go potty before and after sledding, even if he did ask to use the "little potty" - the one that's a glorified chamber pot.

Peanut gallery

Is this better? I played a bit with the colors, and I'm not sure if I made it too monochromatic - still debating that one. It's the same look, and the reason I went with the other template was for something different. Kinda like trying a new eyeliner color - just a bit of a change. I wasn't sure about the other one, and didn't really like how it was all pushed over to the edge, but it was different, which is what I needed. I'll stop rambling now, and "save" Q and Quin from a crying Gretchen.

The "What if?" Game

What if I had stayed together with Jeff (the guy who I dated for a year, then went to Texas for exchange the year I met Q)? Would I have stayed in geology? Would I have had the guts to try for my engineering degree? Would I now have three kids? (Not that they could be nearly as wonderful as my two!) Jeff was a TV couch potato, not a bookworm (or a computer geek); how would that have influenced our relationship? Would I be divorced by now because he couldn't accept that I was (book) smarter than him? That I wasn't his ideal (short, blonde, big chested - one out of three ain't bad, right?)?

What if I had decided to go to Washington State University? I wouldn't have met Q at all. I probably would have majored in forestry (my first major was natural resources management, then it switched to geology, then I added geological engineering), and I probably would have stayed in better contact with friends from high school. BUT then I would have been closer to John the stalker. The guy who wouldn't take no for an answer, and who I should have filed a restraining order against. The guy who was convinced that I would marry him, not mind that he liked to hit the wall next to my head (OK, so he only did it once, but that's once too often for me), and have his babies (the first would be a boy, and would never even think about being gay; the next would be a girl, who could be a lesbian, but he would rather she wasn't - it's strange the things I remember). However, I would have been physically closer to my cousins, who went to WSU, as well as physically closer to my family. Would I have stayed with one of my high school boy friends?

What if I was still working full time? Would I be a better parent? Would I be floundering in guilt that I wasn't able to raise my children? Would I look forward to the kids' bedtimes as much as I currently do? I don't know if I'd be more patient - Mondays are hard for me already, and I only work about 6 hours (a long lunch break for nursing Gretchen). Would I instead be pulling my hair out and crying every night?

What if Q hadn't looked at me twice? I was fortunate that he was at the end of a souring relationship when I met him. Oh, and I was dating Jeff, who was on exchange in Texas, who would only call me when he was drunk (we had both just turned 21). But if Q's girl friend hadn't been a flake, or if they'd had a better relationship, would I have had a chance of winning his affection?

Lots of "what if's" out there. How different would our nation - heck, our world! - be if Bush hadn't been elected president? Either election. What if most Americans bothered to think for themselves instead of what was spoon fed to them through their church and the media? What if the Romans hadn't turned Christian? Would we have a space station on Mars by now if technology and science hadn't been heresy?

I'm feeling contemplative tonight. Toki's diary post started me thinking about the decisions I have made (or ignored) through my adult life. Most of my adult life has been spent with Q as a partner. (Scary, isn't it?) He's my best friend - I can talk to him about any thing, although there are certain (mostly female) subjects that he really doesn't care to listen to. Yes, I often make him listen anyways.

What in your life makes you go "huh?"

Flop

Yup. That last one was a flop. Oh well; sometimes you hit the target, and sometimes you fail spectacularly! Ideas on posting... how my son is repeating that he doesn't like his sister; or how my son likes to throw tantrums over the smallest, most trivial point; or maybe how my husband is teaching my son to sing odd songs ("chickens in my underwear, chickens in my magic newt" is currently being sung - don't ask me what the tune is, ask Q!)?

Q - what is a magic newt???!!!

Or, how about my current favorite: what causes all electronics near me to die?? I can't get my new Palm to even think about syncing with my computer, not to mention getting the stupid software to finish loading on my computer!

On a more positive note (I'm trying to improve my mood today, and having problems), my friend Lisa (a.k.a. Elle) is once again selling delicious truffles and caramels to raise money for adoption. So, if you want to enjoy some wonderful candy, get some holiday shopping done without any pain on your part, and help a good cause, go to http://lifeofelle.com/sweethope/Ordering.html (or use the link on the right).

Let's Torture Toki!

I can't wait to see Q's graphics for this meme! (Which is why Toki will be tortured.)

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car),
Star Prius

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie),
peanut butter chocolate-squared chip

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name),
J-Wut

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal),
Blue Horse

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born),
Lee Olympia

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first),
Wut-Je

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink),
The Green Water

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers),
Albert Edward

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy),
LavenderFudge

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ),
Carol Ray

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter),
Kressin Kirkland

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower).
Autumn Tulip

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)
Mango Shirty

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree),
Kashi Mountain Ash

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Quilting Rain Tour